Untitled Document

The Anthropological Explanation of the Summer Snowsapien

I) Ancient Civilization!

The Summer Snowmen trace their historical beginnings all the way back to ancient Babylon. Although we have no actual written evidence of any group, archaeologists and scholars believe that many of the sculptures (find official terminology) point to a group which resembles the modern day Summer Snowsapien. Skeptical? Consider the evidence. The photograph below is an ancient carving. Although many scholars consider this to be a representation of Sammy Icerpic, competing theories argue otherwise. Look at the attire of this individual. People are quick to point out that the items worn by the person in this representation resembles clothing worn in snowy climates. REMARKABLE!! But why you ask, would an ancient citizen of Babylon, an inhabitant of a notably arid region, choose to attire themselves in this way? Of course, the answer is incredibly simple - this was part of a religious ritual carried out in hopes that the snow gods would sojourn to the area and relieve it of the stifling heat.

*the first written record: the ancient prophecy of the snow king/lord handed down to the prophet _________ atop the ________ this event is known as the first frost. the prophesy prophesies the messianic coming of chilled sun sprinkles/snow/etc. IF the snowsapiens perform the ritual.

Life as we know it exists as the seconds dissolve. We experience the evolution of the Summer Snowsapien as our breaths are taken away. A Summer Snowsapien has survived every historical period know to Earth. Better yet, the entire universe! The blood of a Summer Snowman is more valuable than a regular human being. Human beings are of an equal level, however through history it's proven that dogs eat cats and cats eat mice. The question that drives the human mad is, what do the mice eat? The answer is simple yet complex in the same field of being parallel. Snow is perpendicular to the central point. Snowmen and women eat the snow which have mice DNA which then proves the sequence of consumption.

How did the snowsapiens find their way to Brookfield, IL, USA? In a word, prophets.

We who march the parade represent the far-flung offspring of the above mentioned Babylonian tribe. Generations of futile snow rituals found our ancestors searching for a somewhere...somewhere beyond the desert dearth...somewhere where the sun would set, and settle down enough for the prophesized snow king to rise, and then fall in blessed bits, freeze dried sun rays...this was the prophesy that initiated the first exodus.

Our ancestors, via trial and error, knew that northwards was more or less the way to go if they wanted a cooler somewhere. And so, in time they found present day Siberia and then the ancient land bridge to present day Alaska. This was the silver age of the snowsapien. The population snowballed. The once foreign snowflake became a commonplace. The ancient snow rituals were becoming more and more of an obligatory cultural custom and less and less a genuine ritual. The winter apparel was practical, it just made sense, and the snowsapiens for the most part forgot that they had crafted such weather aware garments before there was such weather to be aware of. As cultural amnesia set in, future generations who had crossed the land bridge and begun to move back southward toward present day USA shed their sacred scarves et al. in favour of bare skin. It was afterall rather hot at times and the snowsapiens no longer remembered the sanctity of the prophesy of the snow king which spoke of the summertime snow ritual and the required clothing thereof.

The snowsapien culture soon vanished as a binding force for the southward bound tribes. Wars broke out. Seperate nations were formed. More wars, more nations, etc. you know the drill.

(this version of the summer snowsapien history is sort of a narrative for the New World, N and S america. It sort of highlights the 'irony' in the anthropological theory of the land bridge which implies that all the near naked native americans from Illinois to Chile are descendents of a culure and bloodline that was once Siberian snow people, more or less...and that, I think, implies that a good deal of the evolution of the native american gene pool occcured to accomodate life in those harsh conditions...long since forgotten....and we then theorize on top of that that there are countless cultures that based themselves in snowy weather that were apapted to the hotter places and basically lost...actually, what we theorize is that these lost snowy cultures were really one big happy familly of a cooperative harmony or some shit....and we are out to revive it? I AM 1/64 American Indian...but even so, the snowsapiens are more about the cultural aspect than the evolution-gene-wise, more heritage than heredity. Living in america, there are a plethora of narratives we can adopt as our own (like how my aunt is all about being part of the Daughters of the American Revolution and the Mayflower Society or how we honour Casmir Pulaski in Chicago or how Indian reservations don't have to obey a lot of state laws or how we all go out and sit on the curb and wave Old Glory on the 4th of July) If you call it Independence Day the meaning is more inviting to spin-offs (see Will Smith+White House explosion+Aliens and Hollywood). Independence can also mean being an independent thinker, challenging the trad. and etc. I think that's what the summer snowsapiens do, without really trying to I guess, or maybe we ARE well aware that that's what we're doing and that's why we think it's cool, perhaps. But on the ticket of the 4th of july parade being about liberation From the governing bodies and not blind loyalty To...I would wager that a good starting point for the present era of summer snowsapien history would be 1996 when me and Charlie and Greg (and Tommy Shovelface would have but he had to play his boner in the marching band) rode bikes and dressed stupid and ran around like airplanes for no rational reason really other than to show off that we weren't afraid to do that. In my mind that's the same strain of INdependence that Shovelface brought to the table in 2000, under a different more evolved guise. So the part three of our history will start with what I just said sort of and it will be based on stuff that we actually have done/thought more or less, as opposed to the slightly more fictionalized above two sections of ANCIENT and COLONIAL.

so if that's the story of ancient history, the rise and fall of the silver era of the Summer Snowsapiens, the first discovery of the new world...what is the next part of the story? the second discovery of the new world? i.e. colonialism?

Hence, history has forgotten the snowsapien culture....but not really though...

continue...